New Official Languages

Today President Obama declared that the international auxiliary language, Interlingua, is no the official language of the United States.

He stated after signing executive order 6 quadrillion and 3, “I have made this historic decision so that America can be closer with the international community and the world. I urge my fellow law makers in Europe and elsewhere to follow in my footsteps.”

There has been backlash from both people in Obama’s party and other parties.

Vice President Joseph Robinette “Joe” Biden, Jr. said in a press conference, “Uh, well, I like Obama, but, he’s smart and some us are, well, not. I think this, uh, Interlingua will be hard to learn.”

Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, has made the official language of his state, ‘Merican. He stated, “We are living in ‘Merica and the people of these country speak ‘Merican. My policy is more ‘Merican than Obama’s.”

Similarly, Governor of California, Edmund Gerald “Jerry” Brown, Jr. has declared that his state’s official language will be Old French. He reasoned, “Some may say it is pompous to speak not just French but Old French, but I say that it is the perfect language for the perfect state. I may be an elitist but at least my state will sound sophisticated.”

Two further states altered their official languages today, New York and Wisconsin. New York’s official language is now New York City English, a well known English dialect.

The governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo said in a press statement, “It is time to recognize that New York is special and needs a special language.”

Wisconsin governor, Scott Kevin Walker, has altered his state’s official language to Dakota Sioux, saying, “I think the American people must speak a real American language. This language is as real and American as we can get. Also, I mean no offense to other Native tribes but the Dakota Sioux covered the largest portion of this state.”

Many more states will likely follow suit in the coming days. Linguistically speaking, a new age has dawned today.