Do Not Learn Another Language

Nobody should ever learn another language, like ever. There is absolutely no reason to learn another language. In fact, there are so many more reasons not to learn another language, it is impossible to know why anyone would believe they should. Here are ten reasons nobody should learn another language.

  1. It is pointless: Why learn a new language when you can just use the one you already know? Especially if you speak English, everyone knows English so why learn another language. If someone is struggling to understand you when you speak English just shout really slowly.
  2. It is hard: Learning another language is so much work. You have to practice and study. Why suffer having to do something that is hard work? Just speak one language; never learn another language.
  3. It probably won’t help you anyway: There are claims that learning a new language helps you get pay more, makes your brain’s grey matter bigger, generally helps your overall health, and might even make you be perceived as more attractive. All these claims are either false or greatly overblown. Probably 95% of the world’s population get by just fine speaking only one language. CEO’s, Presidents, Prime Ministers, etc. mostly speak only one language and they get rich, famous, and powerful. Learning another language is unhelpful.
  4. Getting exposed to a new culture is gross: Let’s be honest, other cultures are weird and gross, and everyone knows it. Why run the risk of experiencing a new culture by learning a new language? Just speak your own and never learn about other cultures.
  5. Traveling to other countries is stupid and expensive: Why leave your country and waste time and money in strange places? Even if you are stupid and wealthy enough to leave your country, learning another language to help you there is extra pointless. All the locals speak English already.
  6. No one can agree on what language to learn: All these people who talk about learning a new language never agree on which language is best to learn. If you ask a chemistry teacher which science to study they will easily tell you to study chemistry; so why can’t these language people tell you which language to study?
  7. There are too many choices: I mean there are like 7000 languages in the world, how are you supposed to decide on which to learn? People cannot make choices for themselves and, as stated in number 6, no one can agree on which language someone should learn.
  8. It is expensive: Materials to learn a new language cost way too much. Apparently, there are resources on the internet and at libraries. However, library books are gross because other people have used them meaning that these materials probably will give you some incurable disease. The internet “resources” that claim to be “free,” probably will steal your identity or sell all your information to hackers or some foreign government.
  9. You probably will always sound like a foreigner: Why try when you will never be fluent and never not sound like someone from out-of-town?
  10. Overall: Languages are stupid and boring. There is nothing remotely interesting or fun or helpful in learning another language. Nobody should ever learn another language, don’t even try.

(Poisson d’avril! Afficher l'image d'origine)